Weight Of The World
I think we are all struggling with some form of lament. It seems that all around us people are hurting, grieving, and suffering on a scale we have never experienced before, including you and me.
The world feels heavy.
What I know about this space is that it can make you feel unseen, unheard, overwhelmed. It can make you feel crazy. This space can make you feel small, unloved, uncared for, lonely. This space can make you wonder if you will ever be the same. If the hurt and pain will ever stop. If the flow of tears will dry. It is the space where fear rises up in those of us who have lost a loved one. Fear that they will be forgotten just as you feel forgotten.
I see you friend.
I know you are hurting. I know you are sad. I know you are struggling with depression. I know it feels like the weight of the world is threatening to crush you. I know this because this is my story too right now.
Reflections Of The Desert
I sat in the passenger seat as we left the red rocks of Sedona and snaked our way through the mountains that gave way to 108 degree temperatures creating mirages across the sparse, dry desert.
We had no idea what to expect as we turned into Joshua Tree National Park but were anxiously excited to join our hiking guide Travis https://wanderingmojave.com/, https://www.facebook.com/wanderingmojave the next morning for a sunrise hike through the desert.
Little did I know those well laid plans and intentions would be interrupted by a meeting I did not realize I needed. My spiritual life had begun to look like that dry sparse desert. I needed living water.
Fan The Flames
I sit here in the Mohave Desert and it is not lost on me how desolate my spiritual life has felt. Not because God is far away, because I have been far away. We have had some exciting things happening in our life. I should be hopeful in expectation. Why was I feeling this way?
I want to live with my heart and hands wide open to receive all the good gifts God has for me. I would bet that you do too!
Spiritual Blindness
“When pride comes then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
Proverbs 11:2
Spiritual blindness can skew our perception of ourselves. We all sin, therefore, we all have some sort of spiritual blindness in our life. If we refuse to humble ourselves before God and ask him to reveal that blindness, that seed of sin becomes woven into a deeply distorted and delusional view of ourselves.
Friends, God loves us too much leave us stuck in spiritual blindness.
Forgetting What's Behind
Let me remind you that God brings beauty from ashes. He can take thorny mistakes and turn them into glorious rose bushes if you leave the bitter root planted, let him cover it with his grace and forgiveness and water it with truth. You are human and have made mistakes, but most importantly, you are chosen and forgiven.
Precious In His Sight
I sit here in a puddle of gratitude for the kaleidoscope of friends God has gifted me with. We are different ethnicities, different cultures, different beliefs, different religions, different upbringings, different heartaches and different joys but we make up the most beautiful picture of heaven. We are each precious in his sight.
That includes you friend.
Last year, I was again trying to make sense of my grief and loss and when I came across this scripture in Philippians 1:19-26. I had read it many times before but it took on a whole new meaning. “for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.
Ugh…although this resonated with me it really was not what my heart wanted to hear. The truth is I have in no way faced my suffering with eagerness or hopeful expectation.
Do You Give Christianity A Bad Name?
Friends, the world has attached sinless, perfection, better than and so many other “self” serving labels to our identity as Christians. There is a pervasive belief among those of the world that Christians are being hypocritical when they stumble. It is the excuse the lost use to justify their reasons for seeking a savior other than Jesus. As Christians we have fed the lie the world chews on as an excuse and contributed to giving Christianity a bad name.
Anger…A Bitter Root
It was a bitter root that I allowed to settle in the recesses of my broken heart. ANGER, it was spilling out on others and shredding my testimony. OUCH!
The truth is my heart laid shattered in a grave and my outburst of anger made me feel so alive, if only for a moment.
You may be thinking “I can’t believe she is sharing this with the world”. Sharing this does make me feel extremely vulnerable, so please be gentle with my heart. If this is you friend I would love to hear from you.
Inhale and Rest Until You Can Fly
THE CALL…THE LOSS…of a child, of relationships, of a church, of a hope.
This journey, for me, has looked much like a tree that lost all of its blooms, leaves and branches when the first blast of a cold winter arrives and hangs around for a while. A broken tree trunk that has to be scraped in multiple places to find any green growth under the peeling bark.
Anguish that quietened the memories, dulled his scent and his touch, muted his laugh. I was so fearful I had lost it all, even the memories.
WAIT! WHAT??
I have always loved to write for pleasure but after Chris died it became my lifeline as grief threatened to steal my joy and take me to the grave.
I kept hearing God say is...this is your story. I know it has been devastating. I have seen you laying in the floor begging for me to let you join Chris in heaven.
The reality is friends. It is ok to not be ok.
Wait! What??
If there is one thing I have learned through the hard times is that God is trustworthy. He can be trusted with my “not ok”.
Passover Provision and Protection
I have not seen those mighty angels with my eyes since I moved from that house, but I have felt their presence and I have no doubt they are there.
I have to admit, the last few days, have been H-A-R-D.
Friends, we are in unprecedented times. Times we could not have envisioned or imagined, but I want to remind you, this is not unprecedented times for God.
Trustworthy In Spite of The Suck
I was digging into my Trustworthy Study this morning and was reviewing some attributes of God as I continue to learn to lean in and stand tall in God’s trustworthiness even in and in spite of the “suck”. I began to pray about how my faith in God and these truths of God’s character has affected my perspective during this time of chaos that is swirling around us right now.
I believe we are in a time of revival friends. If you don’t know Jesus or you have moved so far away, God looks small (much like a plane looks like a spec in the sky, but as it draws near its size and magnitude are revealed), I want to encourage you to use this time to close the distance between you and the cross. We are all just one breath away.
When you meet Jesus face to face will you see him in all of his glory, the magnitude of his power and love for you or will your perspective be just a spec in your life?
Wrestling With Forgiveness
These past four years have challenged me to dig deeper into the practice of forgiving. What I noticed was that as I was walking through the layers of hurt and forgiveness, I began to try to find logical reasons of justification for the actions of the people who hurt me.
What God has taught me through this season is that I do not have to find reasons of justification for the actions of people that hurt me. I am not always called to reconcile those relationships but I am called to forgive.
Check Yo Self Sister
“I don’t feel very grateful for this.” There, I said it, but I could see the look of hurt staring back at me. I couldn’t take it back, nor could I articulate where it came from in the first place.
The Hum of a Thousand Bees
The sound must be like the hum of a thousand bees. Yet, God knows our distinct voice.
When Life Doesn't Feel Abundant
It has been almost three and a half years in this season of our life, and it sure has not felt like abundance. It has felt more like deception and greed stacked on top of an earth-shattering journey of loss and grief. Oh how deep the arrow penetrates the soul when the instigators of the hellish vortex you find yourself in comes cloaked in Christianity, friendship, and even those you love.
Giving, But Is It Your Best?
Are you giving your best when God calls you to give or are you still sorting your closet looking for a little less than your best?
Gifts Bestowed by Grace, Part 2
“Over time, and I believe unintentionally, we’ve created our own criteria for those who we believe can best fulfill the will of God.” These words were the catalyst to my blog posts Gifts Bestowed By Grace Part 1 & 2
If we only coddle those we deem “qualified” based on our human measuring sticks, we miss the “least of these”. Those people Jesus himself declared qualified and justified through his sacrifice on the cross and the gift of the Holy Spirit.