Broken People Hurt People

A couple of weeks ago I found myself standing in the middle of my living room with tears streaming down my face. 

The chaos of toys strewn everywhere as they flowed like a river out of their bins across the floor of the playroom into the living room. The bucket of shoes by the door was toppled and body parts of goldfish were swimming out of places in the couch I did not know existed.  When my kids where little this would have been the cause of my tears. The feeling of life being out of control, but with the grandkids this is my happy place.  

A morning that started early with laughing kids, “ Mimi, I want to watch my movie” “Mimi, I need a snack” and “Mimi, can you get my apple juice?” quickly changed with a simple text message.

A miss understanding on my part, in which, I evidently, unintentionally, caused hard/hurt feelings with a long time friend left me in tears feeling misunderstood and unheard. 

In that brief moment my brain went into analytical overdrive, replaying every word and rereading every sentence twice? 

1. Where plans made I had overlooked?

2. Surely, after all of these years, they know I would not have done anything to intentionally hurt them.

3. I made a mistake but the reaction didn’t seem to fit?

4. Was my misunderstanding enough to just blow the whole day, why couldn’t we compromise?

I stood there wondering why the miscommunication and the response were having such a deep impact on me?  Was it because I have lost so many people I loved over the years?  Is it fear of losing this friendship too? My heart just could not make sense of what happened.

One thing I have learned through the deep hurt of my loss is that sometimes God removes people from our life for our protection. I am not saying that is the case with this friendship, I am just simply saying that my tears in that moment lead me right back to the trustworthiness and truths of God. I was able to draw on the knowledge that God knows better than I do. He can see this so very clearly, where as for me, my love goggles often times resemble the mirrors in a fun house. They warble, stretching and bending the image in front of me. This allows me to hold onto relationships and to justify relationships that may not actually be healthy for me.

Standing there watching the chaos and listening to the laughter of my grandchildren reminded me of the many blessings God has poured out on our family since the loss of my first born son, Christopher. He loved me then and He loves me now. His care for my heart and sorrow then is no different than now.

A peace that passes understanding washed over me and dried my tears. I was able to lean into the fact that God knows my heart. He knows my love for my friend and he knows better than anyone if that friend is healthy for me.

The reality of living life here in a broken world is that broken people hurt people; I too am a broken person who has hurt people. Friends hurt friends sometimes; I too am a friend who has hurt friends. Humans make mistakes and disappoint one another; I too am human and make mistakes.

Thank goodness that God is God and when we are disappointed by others, we can rest in the truth that God never ever fails us or leaves us feeling misunderstood or unheard. He knows the inner most places of our heart and he knows the hearts that are best suited for us.

I am not minimizing or discounting the hurt you may be feeling from a strained or broken relationship. I can only say these things with confidence on the other side of the pain of great loss and confusion. I can only say these things with confidence because God has poured his truths out on our live’s and showed himself as trustworthy during one of the most heartbreaking seasons of my life.

Friend, I know personally that when we are walking in a season that is extremely difficult, it is so very easy to only see and feel the pain. I know how easy it is to miss seeing the blessings and God’s protection.  Our goggle lenses are infused with "fun house” glass, preventing us from seeing clearly.  We may not see or understand God’s ways, but leaning into His ways are always better for us than ours. He knows hearts that are healthy for us and hearts that are not. Will you trust Him with those relationships?

Much Love,

Chrissy

When Life Doesn't Feel Abundant

Yesterday, during my morning quiet time I found myself writing a love letter to God.  As I opened my journal this morning, this sentence jumped out at me.

“God, your word says you will pour out in abundance over me.”

It has been almost three and a half years in this season of our life, and it sure has not felt like abundance. It has felt more like deception and greed stacked on top of an earth-shattering journey of loss and grief.  Oh how deep the arrow penetrates the soul when the instigators of the hellish vortex you find yourself in comes cloaked in Christianity, friendship, and even those you love. No time to grieve as flaming arrows fly your way. Your bones ache and your heart is shredded. It lays at your feet in a bloody mess. You can only muster enough energy to take up the shield of faith. (Ephesians 6:16). Your words are replaced with groans as your knees buckle and the tears pour down your face.

This is not a bad position to be in because it forces us into full surrender and removes us from interfering in the battle. Like God told King Jehoshaphat, the battle is not yours, but God’s. (2 Chronicles 20:15) There is nothing like death that brings the full sovereignty of God into focus. The beauty of not having the energy to fight the battle and the beauty of full surrender is that it opens the flood gates of heaven, pouring forth an abundance of grace, hope, blessings and restoration. Sweet friend, I am in no way minimizing how painful this season is for you. I know it feels as if your are being branded with a hot iron on delicate parts of your flesh. I know the smell and stench makes your eyes and nose water. I know you feel like you there is no going forward. I know some of you frankly wish you too could die. I have been there. In many ways I am still there.

Does any of this sound like the season of life you may be waking through?  Loss, disappointment, deception, greed, disillusionment, depression? Do you see your lifeless body laying on the floor of your bathroom, slick with snot and wondering if you will very be able to get up again?  The vision of abundance not even in your bucket of hope. Those hope things buried in hurt.

There are so many areas of our life that Satan lays in wait to pounce in these seasons (1 Peter 5:8) and he will use those whose hearts are willing to carry out his destruction. We must stay prayed up and walking in the spirit so that we do not fall prey to the schemes of the devil and cause great hurt and destruction in other people’s lives. We must stay prayed up so that when the attack comes and we do not have the energy, our heart, mind and soul will be trained to take up our shield of faith. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers of the spiritual world. (Ephesians 6:12). 

Friends, I still don’t know from one day to the next if I have the strength to rise for the day or even for five minutes. I have days, even weeks I don’t get out of my pj’s unless it is absolutely necessary. I don’t have all the answers and I struggle daily to walk upright and in surrender especially when my river of hurt has washed me out to the depths of the seas and I am gasping for breath just to survive.

Abundance has not been at the forefront of my mind this season. My struggle to merely exist has been my focus. As God’s word is true, my story is living testimony to the fact that: We have walked through fire and water, but he has brought us to a place of abundance. (Psalm 66:12) What others intended for harm, he has used for his glory to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  (Genesis 50:20) He has gone before us, he has never left us or forsaken us. (Deuteronomy 31:8). He has made a way in the sea, and a path in mighty waters.   He has brought forth new things and he continues to make a way in the wilderness and bring forth rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:16,19) He has preserved our life and kept our feet from slipping. (Psalm 66:9) He wants to do this for you too sweet friend. He sees you. He is working it all out for your good. Will you rest in that promise?

These pictures show merely a glimpse of the abundant blessings God has poured out on me and our family. These are the messes that fill my heart. These are the messes that make me realize that even in the hard times, God has chosen to bless us abundantly.  These are the messes that remind me of a God who is full of grace and desires the best for his children. These are the messes that have taught me to Embrace The Mess. I bet if you look closely in your own season of struggle you will find places that God has blessed you abundantly too, even in the in the midst of your mess.

With Love,

Chrissy

Sea Glass

Ron,

August 14, 2019 marked eight years since you went to be with Jesus. Wow! There has been so much life lived between your death and that anniversary. They say time marches on and I guess that is true, but a piece of my heart died that day too. How could it not? You were one of the most beautiful pieces of sea glass that God has ever blessed me with. An unexpected treasure revealed at a time when the ocean receded in my life to give me rest from its battering waves.

There is so much I want to tell you. There is so much I need to tell you. Since you died, I have learned to live with my head in heaven and my feet on the ground. It is not a bad prespective, just a very painful journey.
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.“ Colossians 3:1-2 This scripture seeped even deeper into my soul when Chris died. I am grateful for a deeper understanding of this scripture, I just wish it was not the loss of one of my babies that made it really come alive in my life. When one of your babies lives in heaven, there your thoughts and heart live also.

I still miss you. I still miss your laugh. I still miss your wisdom. You taught me that marriage could be good. Do you remember how many years I fought you on that? I could not believe that a man of your integrity, a man who never once let us down, existed, much less would love me so much he would be willing to love my boys as his own. Not to mention, you were so much older than I was, what could you possibly see in me? You were at a place in your life where you had raised your kid. You were beginning the years of enjoying your grandchildren and retirement. Why in the world would you want to take on me and a house full of young boys again? But you did and with great joy. I knew you were older than me, but by the time I realized how much, it was too late. You aged well my love. My heart was yours, but I still dug my heels in when it came to marriage and again when you asked me to quit my job so we had more time to spend together. It took a couple of years of dating to change my mind. A couple of years that you never wavered. A couple of years that you waited patiently for me to work through my trust issues and realize I could trust you. Thank you for never giving up on me. You always kept your word. You were always concerned about our well being and taking care of us. You wanted to show the boys and I the world. What wonderful memories we have from those adventures. Memories that will last a life-time.

Your unconditional love for us led me a little closer to the cross as you loved me as Christ loved the church. You probably would not understand or you would say you just did want a man is supposed to do, but your love for me and my boys strengthened my trust in Christ.

You continually worried about what would happen to us when it was your time to go. You did not want me to be alone. You wanted someone to love and cherish me the way you always did. Well, I found him. Actually, I think you found him for me. I remember you telling me what a great man he was. How you appreciated how he conducted his business with honesty and integrity. Lord knows, you could be a challenge to deal with when it came to business. After you died, I could not trust myself to choose wisely, but I knew I could trust you. So I took a chance, and I have to admit, unbeknownst to him, I vetted him among a few of your Delt Brothers. You would have been so proud of me. You loved your Delt Brothers more than your own life and I knew they would be honest with me and that they had my best interest at heart. They loved me because they loved you. Well, you were right and so were they. He is a really good man and he loves us well. I am humbled that God saw fit to bless me twice. That is what you would always say to me, but I never really understood it until I was forced to walk in your shoes.

Remember that saying you frequently used? "No good deed goes unpunished". I guess with your desire to give and love others well, you probably knew this better than most, but I just thought you were being a little cynical. Your personal success and your marriage to me was a breeding ground for others greed and selfishness. Unfortunately, the boys and I experienced a double knockout after Chris’ death. What a season of heart ache it has been. You would be as shocked as I was at some of the those that delivered the punches. Or maybe you wouldn’t have. You were always a really good read of people. You would be relieved and happy to know that even though you couldn’t protect us this time, God did. He knew and he loves us even more than you did, if you can imagine that. Not only that, but he gave us Blake who has stood firm beside us and held us up and together through it all.

You had such a heart for others. It was one of the many things I loved about you. I remember sitting in the Red Hut in Lake Tahoe and a lady introduced herself to me and told me how you helped her daughter get her degree at Trinity University in San Antonio. Her daughter had graduated and was teaching at the time in Mexico, paying it forward, Her mom told me she had been waitressing there for years and was a single mom (a stranger to you) and that if it had not been for you, she did not know how would have ever been able to send her daughter to college, much less Trinity. That is just one of the one hundred million examples of your generosity. I think I am aware of most, but I bet there are more out there I am not aware of.

You already know that Chris is in heaven now. I’m sure he was so happy to see you. He loved you and admired you so very much. He was set to graduate from Sam Houston in December of 2016 but we lost him in March of that year. I received a call from Dean Mitchell Muehsam after his death. Mitch has always been a great friend. He is such an upstanding, authentic man who fights hard for his students , Alumni and friends. He is a man you and I both greatly admire. He called to say he had been working on getting permission from the proper chain of authority to award Chris his Business degree posthumously. I remember falling to my knees in a puddle of gratitude tears. It would be the first posthumous degree awarded at Sam Houston State University. In May 2017, I received one of the greatest gifts I have ever, to this day, been given since Chris’ death. Chris’ memory was honored as I was walked the stage at Sam Houston State University and was presented with his diploma. The standing ovation when his name was called made my heart soar and shatter all in the same moment. Guess what else! This day fell on Mother’s Day. Can you imagine the emotions? The joy. The ache of my heart. I was so humbled by Mitch’s kindness and thoughtfulness. Mitch, President Dana Hoyt, The Board of The College of Business Administration and The Board of Regents will never know what this meant to my shredded mother’s heart. I don’t think I ever properly thanked them, but their gift of kindness will never be forgotten. Getting his degree was definitely a journey for Chris. You fought hard for him and showed up every single time to support him as he struggled through his young adult years. I remember you insisting on being taken to the court house when he had a court hearing. You were so sick, but you would not hear of not being there to support him. We loaded up the wheel chair and oxygen and headed to town. My heart sunk as the victims advocate shuffled you around the room with no regard for your struggle just to take your next breath, but she was determined to show her authority. You never complained. You never caused a scene. You were so good to him.

Chris’ baby is 4 now and he has many, many questions about his dad, heaven and death. Boy is he smart and wise. I’m not sure even you could answer some of this thought provoking questions without google. I can hear your laugh sometimes when he asks me a question because I know those questions would make you belly laugh. Since I lost my own dad at a very young age, I feel like God has given me some insight into the questions and struggles that will arise from the loss of his dad. Having seen Jesus face to face, I know you would be reminding me that the most important thing we can give him is Jesus so that he will see his dad again one day. Without Jesus, we both know, they will never meet again. That is a tough pill to swallow, but I am leaning in and standing firm on the promises of God. I know my grandchildren have been set aside and sanctified for the Kingdom of God. “For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” Hebrews 10:14. I can’t wait until you get to meet them. Oh what joy!

You would be so proud of Stephen. You always were. He loved you like his own dad. It has been hard to see the void that was left in his life when you died. He watched your every move and learned so much from you. He wanted to be his own boss just like you and guess what!!! He made it!! He has a beautiful wife that you would absolutely adore and two beautiful children. His baby boy is so kind and his laugh is absolutely contagious. That little girl of his is a boldy. She is going to give her mommy and daddy a run for their money. No doubt you would get a kick out of that. She would have you wrapped around her finger in seconds. Stephen is an awesome dad and husband. Thank you for leading us by example. I know you would expect nothing less from him.

Dylan is FINALLY thriving. Remember that little pain in the butt kid that was determined to just be a mouthy brat to you sometimes. I know you would be telling me “I told you he would come around in time.” Then you would launch into the memories of Rocky’s mouth and his mullet hair cut and remind me that he turned out to be a fabulous man and Dylan would too. You would be extremely proud of Dylan. He has a great job he loves and is definitely a natural salesman and people person. Your death shook him to his core, it shook all of us to the core, and it has taken a very long time for him to come to grips with it, but I see growth from the pain. By the grace of God. Unfortunately, before any of us had time to process it all, we lost Chris.

When I remarried, I inherited another fabulous Daughter In Love, Son and Daughter plus a few more grands. My heart is FULL. I am looking forward to more grand babies in the future. God’s word says “Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged”. Proverbs 17:6. The stones in my crown look like shimmering sea glass. A beautiful reflection of the son.

These things I shared today with you are just a glimpse of all the radiant sea glass God revealed when the waves of sorrow and loss crashed over our head and swept our lives and hearts out to sea. These eight years have been a raging sea. The waves just never seems to get any smaller or less fierce. The beauty has been that as the sand has shifted under our feet and life has felt so raw, the sting of the salt water searing, God has used those waves to remove some oil slicks from our lives. He has removed pieces of plastic that presented themselves as glass. He has used those waves to polish up the sea glass he had already placed in our lives and he has used those waves to reveal new sea glass in our lives. God uses the wind, waves and sand in our life to bring beauty from our broken glass. When I think of sea glass with the sun sparkling off of it, I think of the beautiful colors of all the precious stones in heaven. I think of you. I think of Chris.

Until we meet again…

Love,

Blue Eyes

If He Can Use This Hot Mess

I was traveling on business with my husband recently when I got a message that said "Chrissy, would you consider giving your personal testimony at a revival on Wednesday...? " My heart stopped. My head spun, and I blurted out to my husband, "Brother Eric just asked me to speak at a revival. There is NO way I can do that!" I was excited but so nervous and fearful. In my heart, I knew God wanted to use my story for His kingdom, but NOW? In this way? Really God? I took a few minutes to compose myself and sent back a message that said "Let me pray about it a few days, and I will get back with you. I am terrified and humbled that you would ask." That was my stealth coverup to buy me some time to negotiate with God and whine a bit. I thought, surely God is joking. Maybe if I stall I won't have to speak. Maybe if I give it a few days, I can come up with a legitimate excuse not to speak.  Maybe they will rethink their choice.  Finally, I could put it off no longer. I knew if I didn't respond quickly the devil would use it as a foothold to try to stop me from sharing. I sent a message saying "Eric, it is my pleasure to share my story. If it touches just one...." If it touches just one is how I truly felt and how I feel now, but that first part, "it is my pleasure," that was not really how I was feeling. All I knew is if I didn't commit soon I was going to figure out a way to disobey what I knew in my heart God was calling me to do.

A few days later Brother Eric told me he was going to be teaching out of the book of Judges on Gideon. How ironic is that? I guess, not ironic at all if you consider; God already knew I was going to be asked to speak, He knew how I would feel about that request, and He already knew that Brother Eric would be telling Gideon's story. I would like to think He already knew I would be obedient, but my track record in the "obedience to God" category is not the greatest.

My favorite part of Gideon's story is when he says “Pardon me, my Lord, how can I save Israel. My clan is the weakest and I am the least in my family.” I could certainly appreciate his feeling of inadequacy. All those thoughts and doubts were running through my own head. How could God use me when I have screwed it up so badly? Why would anyone even be interested in what I have to say? How could my story possibly change even one? Well, you know.... It's 🎶the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend.🎶 (Lamb Chop's sing-along and Sheri Lewis). Let's not forget, it is a sin to cuss me for that song getting stuck in your head. 🤣🙏🏼

Gideon chose obedience, but even then, tested God asking for signs from Him. How many times do we do that in our own lives? We step out in obedience to God, but we still test and doubt Him. God chose Gideon to save Israel, but Gideon couldn’t wrap his head around how God could possibly use him. God remained patient and faithful, just as He does with us; and Gideon remained obedient even in his doubt. Do you remain obedient in your doubt? Oh, how I am guilty of that same doubt. Oh, how I am guilty of not obeying because of my doubt. There I stood saying ”I believe Lord, forgive my unbelief.” To say I was terrified is an understatement but I kept hearing God say ”What I want is your obedience. I will do the rest.” I felt so vulnerable but yet so safe.

I took the next couple of hours to write my story. I struggled with how to honor my mother and father as they are a huge part of my story, but the reality is, their stories shaped mine, just as Adam and Eve's story has shaped all of mankind's story. I prayed, and I wrote like a mad woman.  I reached out for encouragement, prayer, and direction and kept writing. Fourteen pages later, I had my life, in a nutshell, staring back at me. If you have never seen your story; your bad choices, your good choices, your life, outlined on paper, I suggest you take some time to really evaluate yourself and write. If you don't intend to obey God and let him use it, burn it, but at least write it. As I reread all of my poor choices and sins, God kept saying "As far as the east is from the west...I forgive you." I want your heart, not your head. I want your obedience. I want you for eternity." I wept in thankfulness for a God who loves me so much He sent His son to suffer and die on the cross for me. I wept for the grace and mercy that He has shown on my life. I kept reading. About a third of the way through, I reached the part that said: "Now that I have given you a glimpse of how I hung onto my death clothes of ugliness and sin, let me tell you how God has used each and every one of these things for His glory and my spiritual growth." My praise began to overshadow my shame. My heart burst with love. The scripture "Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them." took on new meaning and crashed over me.

I put away my writing for a few days and then picked it up again four days before I was to speak. I edited and prayed over it with complete confidence that no matter what, if I allowed God to speak through me, I would be ok and my story would soften hearts and further His kingdom. I kept reminding myself that I am merely the vessel. It is not about me and my terror. Every time Satan threw arrows of doubt my way, I practiced capturing my thoughts and setting them on Jesus. The night of the revival, I inadvertently went to the wrong church and even sent all of my kids and mom to the wrong church. Well, wouldn't you know, I had not allowed more time than necessary "just in case", and when we turned around to head the other direction we were stopped by a passing train. Oh my GOODNESS!  The wait felt like an eternity and my heightened state of anxiety was not helping the situation. I just kept saying to myself "well the devil obviously does not want you to share tonight so get your tail to that church even if you are late." I arrived at the church with literally 30 seconds to spare. I need to extend a public apology to Brother Eric for almost giving him a heart attack. I was so freaked out I am not sure I even apologized at all.

I was still shaking like a leaf when he introduced me to speak, and all I could think as I walked to that podium is "please God, don't let me trip over my own shoes. My story is shameful enough." I remember looking out and thinking; "Oh God, what have you gotten me into? Is this was obedience looks like? These people are going to despise me when I lay out my dirty laundry before them. Not only that, the beautiful sounds of my grandchildren playing, wiggling and whispering are echoing all over this precious little church. Not only are they going to think I was a rotten mom, wife, and daughter, but now they are going to believe I am a rotten Mimi too." I looked out into my son's face and remember telling God "I am willing to be obedient and air my dirty laundry, God. I am willing to endure the whispers and shame for your sake, but please don't let me embarrass my son or bring shame on my husband, my children, my daughters-n-love, my parents or my grandchildren. Needless to say, I got through my testimony. Brother Eric followed it up with a beautiful alter call, and there was no doubt that lives were touched for the Kingdom of God. Not only that, which is absolutely more than enough, but God saw fit to bless me with new and beautiful relationships. Relationships knit together by shame, vulnerability, and the healing hand of God's grace.

God wants us to put our energy into obedience rather than questioning His wisdom and power, but even when we doubt and question, yet still obey, God pours out his blessing on our life. He is a God that still pursues us passionately when we rebel or we test him like Gideon did. God calls us to obedience to further His kingdom and draws us into a deeper relationship with Him. There is nothing that can touch our life without God removing his hand from the situation just as he did in Job's. I am living proof that every time in my life that God has removed his hand and allowed me to walk out the consequences of my sins or permitted heartache to touch my life, he has brought glory from it for His kingdom and strengthened my walk with Him. If he can use this hot mess for His glory and Kingdom, he can certainly use you in all your beautiful mess. Don't let Satan lie to you and tell you that you have screwed up too much or too severely for God to use you. Don't let the guilt of your sins, your trials, your heartaches, keep you from your pursuit of Him. Let it refine you for heaven and eternity. It is time to take off your death clothes and live in the fullness of Christ and all He has to offer. He wants you to trust him even in your doubt and to surrender in obedience to His call on your life. What are you waiting for?

"Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; Your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord. May the Lord bless you from Zion, may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you live to see your children's children- peace be on Isreal."

Judges 6:15    Mark 9:24    Psalm 103:12    Romans 4:7    Psalm 128   2 Corinthians 10:5

#embracing_the_mess  #lampchop  #sherilewis  #obedience  #JesusIsLord  

Patchwork Quilt

In the busyness of your life do you ever stop to think about the big picture? I’m guilty of getting caught up in my “world” and forgetting that God’s perfect plan includes a lot more than me and my world. When the stress of life is closing in I have to remember that God works good for all who love him and that his ways are higher than mine.  

In times of great struggle in my life and in my self pity, I sometimes envision myself as a square piece of cloth laying off to the side of the sewing machine amongst a heap of other square pieces of cloth. I feel discarded, and wonder if God sees me in the pile. I wonder what my purpose is. If I am really having a bad day, I might go on to compare myself to the other pieces laying there. I admire their beauty, their straight edges, their intricate design. As I compare myself, my insecurities arise and I wonder about my place within the framework of that beautiful quilt.

I envision the seamstress delicately laying out each piece of cloth to stitch them together.  She reaches for my tattered, faded piece and sews it into the quilt. I take a few minutes to look at the pieces that are attached to all four sides. It begins to dawn on me that that quilt looks like my life. 

Relationships delicately interwoven. Some sewn with bright colored yarn other parts sewn with dull, dark yarn. Every stitch, every relationship serving a purpose. I can only see the pieces interlacing my piece of the quilt.  As life unfolds and challenges and heartache enter our life, we wonder “why me God?” What is my purpose?”

We forget that God sees the entire quilt. The completed masterpiece. He sees you laying in the heap wondering if you will survive. He sees your grief, your struggle. He knows every piece of the quilt intimately. Just like the seamstress His hand has touched every piece and just like the seamstress your piece and my piece have been strategically placed within the quilt to fit God’s perfect plan. Each piece, each one of us, uniquely and wonderful made in the image of God for His pleasure and His purpose. 

Oh how I want His perfect plan to be focused on my piece of cloth and it’s interwoven pieces. I personally would prefer not to experience the muck and mire this world offers. Wouldn’t it be nice if every relationship stitched into our life only wanted what is best for us?  As we struggle to understand “why God”, I encourage you to remember that God is in control and that the struggles we face, can and will be used for God’s ultimate perfect plan for our lives. He loves us. Just like Joseph he will use all the good and bad relationships and struggles in your life for good. He will use your pain and hurt for his glory. “ He works all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

I’m sure Joseph would have preferred not to be thrown into a cistern, betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. Imagine the depth of hurt and pain their betrayal cause Joseph. The fear that must have overwhelmed him as he looked at his life and future. The people closest to him. Betrayal spawned from hatred, jealousy and greed. God used those betrayals, relationships and hurt to ultimately bless Joseph, his family and the people of Egypt. “The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered.” Genesis 39:2. 

Although I am sure Joseph experienced many moments of asking “why me God?, he trusted God’s perfect plan. When reunited with his brothers he said “do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.”  Genesis 45:5. Pieces of the quilt restored, restitched to expanded the quilts coverage and reveal more of its tapestry. 

We must remember that there is no relationship good or bad, nor is there a circumstance in your life that can thwart the plan God has for your life. “His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.”  “ he does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: what have you done”. Daniel 4:34-35. 

God sees your piece of the quilt. He loves you and knows you intimately. He sees the completed quilt and has the ability to redesign the quilt. “You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.” Genesis 50:20. “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 21:11 “Behold I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:5. 

The absolute comfort in the truth of God’s word and promises. The one thing we can hold onto when we feel like that piece of cloth laying next to the sewing machine. When you are feeling discarded and wondering if God sees you and hears your cries. When you question your purpose or struggle in relationships. Our sovereign God. The maker of heaven and earth. The quilt designer and seamstress of our life when we surrender. You are a beautiful, intricate piece of God’s plan. The quilt of life. 

Lord as we walk through difficult relationships and times of self doubt help us remember that you are in control.  That you see all of those relationships, good and bad.  You see our struggles and insecurities.  Remind us that our worth is in You and that your plans are to prosper us, not harm us.  Thank you God for relationships that encourage us and help us grow in you.  Protect us from relationships that mean us harm and help us to love in spite of them.  In Jesus Name. 

Roman 8:28

Genesis 39:2

Genesis 45:5

Daniel 4:34-35

Genesis 50:20

Revelation 21:5

#embracingthemess