Broken People Hurt People
A couple of weeks ago I found myself standing in the middle of my living room with tears streaming down my face.
The chaos of toys strewn everywhere as they flowed like a river out of their bins across the floor of the playroom into the living room. The bucket of shoes by the door was toppled and body parts of goldfish were swimming out of places in the couch I did not know existed. When my kids where little this would have been the cause of my tears. The feeling of life being out of control, but with the grandkids this is my happy place.
A morning that started early with laughing kids, “ Mimi, I want to watch my movie” “Mimi, I need a snack” and “Mimi, can you get my apple juice?” quickly changed with a simple text message.
A miss understanding on my part, in which, I evidently, unintentionally, caused hard/hurt feelings with a long time friend left me in tears feeling misunderstood and unheard.
In that brief moment my brain went into analytical overdrive, replaying every word and rereading every sentence twice?
Where plans made I had overlooked?
Surely, after all of these years, they know I would not have done anything to intentionally hurt them.
I made a mistake but the reaction didn’t seem to fit?
Was my misunderstanding enough to just blow the whole day, why couldn’t we compromise?
I stood there wondering why the miscommunication and the response were having such a deep impact on me? Was it because I have lost so many people I loved over the years? Is it fear of losing this friendship too? My heart just could not make sense of what happened.
One thing I have learned through the deep hurt of my loss is that sometimes God removes people from our life for our protection. I am not saying that is the case with this friendship, I am just simply saying that my tears in that moment lead me right back to the trustworthiness and truths of God. I was able to draw on the knowledge that God knows better than I do. He can see this so very clearly, where as for me, my love goggles often times resemble the mirrors in a fun house. They warble, stretching and bending the image in front of me. This allows me to hold onto relationships and to justify relationships that may not actually be healthy for me.
Standing there watching the chaos and listening to the laughter of my grandchildren reminded me of the many blessings God has poured out on our family since the loss of my first born son, Christopher. He loved me then and He loves me now. His care for my heart and sorrow then is no different than now.
A peace that passes understanding washed over me and dried my tears. I was able to lean into the fact that God knows my heart. He knows my love for my friend and he knows better than anyone if that friend is healthy for me.
The reality of living life here in a broken world is that broken people hurt people; I too am a broken person who has hurt people. Friends hurt friends sometimes; I too am a friend who has hurt friends. Humans make mistakes and disappoint one another; I too am human and make mistakes.
Thank goodness that God is God and when we are disappointed by others, we can rest in the truth that God never ever fails us or leaves us feeling misunderstood or unheard. He knows the inner most places of our heart and he knows the hearts that are best suited for us.
I am not minimizing or discounting the hurt you may be feeling from a strained or broken relationship. I can only say these things with confidence on the other side of the pain of great loss and confusion. I can only say these things with confidence because God has poured his truths out on our live’s and showed himself as trustworthy during one of the most heartbreaking seasons of my life.
Friend, I know personally that when we are walking in a season that is extremely difficult, it is so very easy to only see and feel the pain. I know how easy it is to miss seeing the blessings and God’s protection. Our goggle lenses are infused with "fun house” glass, preventing us from seeing clearly. We may not see or understand God’s ways, but leaning into His ways are always better for us than ours. He knows hearts that are healthy for us and hearts that are not. Will you trust Him with those relationships?
Much Love,
Chrissy