Weight Of The World
I think we are all struggling with some form of lament. It seems that all around us people are hurting, grieving, and suffering on a scale we have never experienced before, including you and me.
The world feels heavy.
This week I have waited in the hospital parking lot for one of my besties while she takes her one hour visit with her mom who has been in CCU for the past two weeks with Covid Pneumonia. One of those days of waiting I sat and watched, via video streaming, a mother bury her 16 year old baby who was killed in a tragic car accident. A week ago my girlfriend’s dad passed away in that same room she visits her mom in. He too was fighting covid.
Another one of my besties buried her husband at the end of August from a complication from covid. She has a little boy who is struggling to understand what happened to his daddy and where he is. Their anniversary was this week. A day that should be full of good food, laughter and fellowship…oh and flowers if her husband remembered in time. A day that should have been a celebration of the commitment they made to each other before God and man. Instead it was a day of mourning the loss of their future.
Another bestie is taking turns helping her mom care for her dad who has been placed on hospice from battling cancer. She has also been walking through cancer with her mother for quite some time as well.
A woman from Australia reached out to share about the loss of her son. Determined to keep his memory alive. Something I know all too well. As parents of child loss we fear they will be forgotten. We want to hear their name but as the years roll by we hear their name less and less.
A family member fighting cancer was admitted to the hospital with complications and will need a feeding tube for the duration of her life.
One of my dear sweet friends woke to the tenth anniversary of the disappearance of her child. She has already lost two others sons since her sons disappearance.
My own mother had to have knee surgery and my sweet grandson who lost his daddy (my 1st born son, Chris) in a car wreck five years ago, longs for an earth dad.
Two of my grand babies are running fever and throwing up. Their mom is tired and just trying to hold it together for her four babies.
I know if I could just sit with you for a few minutes we could go on and on with the list of hard ships and suffering.
It is A LOT. I do not say these things lightly nor do I say them for sympathy or the spot light.
I simply want you to know that I personally know how hard life is right now for you and your loved ones. My heart aches for you. My prayers cry out for you.
What I know about this space is that it can make you feel unseen, unheard, overwhelmed. It can make you feel crazy. This space can make you feel small, unloved, uncared for, lonely. This space can make you wonder if you will ever be the same. If the hurt and pain will ever stop. If the flow of tears will dry. It is the space where fear rises up in those of us who have lost a loved one. Fear that they will be forgotten just as you feel forgotten.
I see you friend.
I know you are hurting. I know you are sad. I know you are struggling with depression. I know it feels like the weight of the world is threatening to crush you. I know this because this is my story too right now.
Let me share something else I know about this space. This space of heartache, loss and grief is often times where God grows our faith. It is where miracles happen. It is where the Holy Spirit moves us closer to the cross. It is where perspectives are shifted and blind men see. It is where Kingdom things happen.
I don’t know about you, but I long to be part of Kingdom things. I long to be moved closer to the cross. I long for my suffering to mean something so much bigger than me. If I had to guess, I would say you do too.
I want to remind you friend, our God who created the whole world, holds the whole world in his hands. He is sovereign over all. He hides you in the shadow of his wings to keep the weight of the world from crushing you when life gets heavy.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1st Peter 5:10
Even in the suck, God is still good.
Much love,
Chrissy