The Hum of a Thousand Bees
It is Sunday morning and the sun is shining after a week of cold, wet weather. I am coming down off the extreme joy of having all three of my grandchildren this past week and nursing Advil for my muscles that are aching from being a human jungle gym. It has been a while now since I began training my heart and mind to be anxious for nothing. There was a time in my life, even in the not so distant past, that the rush of Sunday morning and the thought of being late could sour my heart before I even stepped out of the door. If I had grandkids to get ready, the change of routine could throw me into a tail spin.
It brings back memories of herding my own four little monkey’s out the door and just hoping they had two shoes, not necessarily matching, and clean clothes including underwear. For all of you mommas that feel this way, you are not alone. My heart would race, and my anxiety over lost shoes, spilled milk, being late for church and clash of the titans (a house full of boys) at times would set the tone with raised voices and drill sergeant instructions. My kids would unravel with my anxiousness and by the time I walked into church, I was worn out and totally disconnected. The advantage to being late to church when you are unraveling at the seams is that you can slip into the back row of church and catch your breath for a few minutes with no expectations. I could barely focus much less worship.
This morning was different. There was peace even getting a toddler fed and dressed. I must add, this is a toddler that is not a morning person just like his Mimi. A lot of that peace I can contribute to a husband who takes the initiative to handle some of the details, like fixing my coffee, getting my water cup ready (my binky), and feeding the animals and humans in the house, but the majority of that peace came from the Prince of Peace himself and the practice, as the Bible says, of taking my thoughts captive to Christ.
This morning in the chaos, it was my husband who was worried about us arriving late. Surprise, we arrived on time and dropped our grandson off at his class. The praise and worship filled my soul. It was not lost on me that Pastor Kyle preached on the book of Ruth and I am currently reading “How To Have Your Life Not Suck” by Bianca Olthoff which is also based on the biblical story of Ruth and Naomi. Don’t you love it when God is trying to emphasize something in your life or teach you something? I don’t know about you, but for this hard headed girl, he usually does it with a double barrel. Oh how He knows me.
The doors of the church were left open so we could enjoy the beauty of the day. About halfway through the service I heard the screeches and screams of children playing on the play ground. I distinctly heard the sound of my grandson’s voice among the clang and clash of noise. I leaned over to my husband and said “I can hear Jackson’s voice.” It made me smile and it reminded me of just how much I love that kid. Better yet, it reminded me of how much God loves us and how well he knows us. Even more intimately than we know the distinct voices of those we love. I envision Him looking around at the beauty of all of his creations. The sound must be like the hum of a thousand bees, yet, he knows which voice belongs to me and which voice belongs to you. Not only does he know our distinct voice, but he also knows our heart. Our coming and goings. He hears our cries when prayers are not answered the way we envisioned. He hears our cry when betrayal walks through the door. He hears our cry when we lose our job. He hears our cry when the heartache of death touches our soul. He hears our cry when the answer is wait and we do not understand. Friends, I encourage you to not lose hope in whatever season of suck you may be walking through. God loves you and is working all things out for the good of those who love him.
I am thankful that God is teaching me how to train my heart and mind to be anxious for nothing. Not just on Sunday, but every day. Had I been frazzled or distracted with my anxiousness this morning, I may have missed the beauty and gift of hearing my grandson’s voice in the midst of playing with all the children on the play ground. More importantly, I may have missed the reminder my heart was desperate to hear this morning. The reminder that I am loved, I am valued, I am uniquely created in His image, I am heard, I am known, I am protected, I am His and so are YOU.
Psalm 139: 1-6
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
There is no greater love than the love the Father has for us.
Much love,
Chrissy