I've Got The Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy...

But do I really?  I certainly don't feel joyful.  My surrounding circumstances don't feel joyful.  If the Bible requires of us things we cannot immediately produce by our own power, does that mean joy too?  I hate to say it friend but the answer to that question is a resounding “yes”. We are to choose joy.  

We are commanded to be joyful if we are upright in heart. "Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!" Psalm 32:11 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12.

Here I am thinking…really God, this hurts so much and you want me to rejoice? You want me to shout when I can barely catch my breath? He is probably thinking, “silly girl, you forget I created you and gave you that breath I want you to use to shout with joy” insert…….eye roll, will she ever learn thought bubble over God’s head while he sits holding his chin in his hand. I am sure he assumes this position frequently as he tries to steer this hardheaded girl closer to the cross.

I don’t know about you, but I really struggle with that whole “constant in prayer” thing too.  My hearts desire is to be that girl that automatically turns everything over to God before being overcome with emotion, fear and doubt. Living life in a broken, hurting world, with hurting people, has brought me closer to that girl, but I still have a long way to go. I have a tendency to allow emotion to overtake what should be my first line of defense; prayer.

Unlike happiness, choosing joy means that it is not produced by the bodies natural response system, fight or flight. Happiness...that is a feeling that is like a ship on the open seas.  It ebbs and flows with the force of the wind and the pull of the moon on the ocean.  I admit, there are many times my happiness ebbs and flows with the happiness of those around me too.  A good friend and or a good shrink would probably tell me that is co-dependent behavior and to seek help, but we will have to save my co-dependent tendencies for another day or sign a lucrative contract for a novel.

The bible says as we grow in our faith and maturity,  "to the full measure of the stature of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming." Eph. 4:13-14  I believe that maturity also includes learning how to choose joy in spite of our circumstances. This is definitely an ongoing process for me.

So, you ask, how do I keep my joy when the hurt of betrayal and lies run so deep?  Well, the truth is, initially, I didn't.  I allowed the devil to use people and my circumstances to throw a wet blanket on my joy. I took my eyes off the cross and focused on my circumstances.

My grandfather always said, "you will know the true heart of a person when there is a death in the family."  He knew those words intimately, he lost two son's in a matter of four years, my dad and my uncle.  His statement began to ring true in my life.  My happiness hit an all-time low.  My joy, that was tied directly to my circumstances instead of being anchored in it’s source, Jesus Christ, hit an all-time low.

Why God?  How God?  Yes, it is personal God.  Can't it be enough that I lost Chris?  Can't it be enough that we all lost Chris?  Shouldn't we be standing together in unity as a family?  We all experienced the same loss.  Will the hurt ever end so the healing can begin?  Three years of such oppressive hurt and I am just now finding the space and room to mourn the death of my child. So many days and nights of crying out:  "My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is." Lamentations 3:17

As I walked through the hurt and pain of deception, loss of relationships, loss of hope and happiness I came to a point that I truly did not care if I lived or died.  130 miles an hour around those backwoods curves in my Porche was exhilarating.  It made me feel alive.  My adrenaline soared and my “give a dang” broke even more.  I cried out to God for mercy, grace and even death!  Although I never put anyone or anything in harms way besides myself, my behavior was erratic and risky.  Satan was effectively using those I loved to convince me that all was hopeless. I had lost my child and to top it off, I would be forced to walk through some of the most painful years of my life for the sake of someone else's greed.

THEN GOD…

in one of my many sleepless nights reminded me that He is my source of joy even in the pain. Even in the betrayal. Even in the place where life is hard and feels so hopeless. That my job was not to focus on or fix my circumstances. My job was to lean into him and trust him to fix my circumstances. He doesn’t need my help (boy is that realization humbling). His ways are higher and better than any humanly possible way I could conjure up to fix the situation or ease the hurt. God promises to go before us where Satan and his pawns attempt to kill, steal and destroy. My story is a testimony to this.

I don’t know what disappointments and hurt you may be walking though right now, friend, but I can tell you, my life burned completely to the ground the day I lost my son and the years following have been a smoldering heap of ash. I look at those words and cling to God’s promise that He brings beauty from ashes and that I would see beauty formed from my ashes too. I do believe this with all of my heart and soul and I believe the beauty from those ashes will bring great harvest to the lost and hurting. To those that are struggling with rejection, betrayal, grief, loss, addiction and sometimes just “life” things.

No self-help book on earth or the power of positive thinking can bring lasting joy, only the love and grace of Jesus Christ can bring that kind of joy. I am not discounting that depression is real and oppressive and if you feel you are struggling with it, please reach out to your medical doctor.

The beauty of walking through my pain and suffering has been learning how to keep joy down deep in my heart when I don't feel joyful. Although I have not mastered the scripture “be anxious for nothing”, I am slowly learning and practicing immediately turning those anxious thoughts over to God and consciously being aware of the times that I try to take them back from God. I have a Phd in giving it to God and taking it back when I don’t think His plan looks the way I think it should. When the hurt is oppressive and I know he can fix it with one command but choses to allow me to walk through it for my growth and sometime for someone else’s growth.

Joy is a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in us and is a character of the people of God. “Joy,” “rejoice,” or “joyful” appear a total of 430 times in the bible compared with “happy” or “happiness,” which appear only ten times. The Holy Spirit supernaturally gives us great and lasting joy, even when we face affliction. "We want you to know, brothers, about the grace of God that has been given among the churches of Macedonia, for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part." 2 Corinthians 8:1-2.

You may not be experiencing happiness right now, but you will and can experience joy in the trials.  "So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." John 12:22. No one can steal your joy. It is your birthright.  Don't give it away like I did. Don't forget who you are and whose you are.

Rejoice in the Lord, always, again I say rejoice.  We must always be alert. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; Jesus came so that we may have life!  Life to the fullest and that includes joy! John 10:10. Satan will use anyone or anything he can to derail your joy because your joy is evidence of Christ. It exudes the Father's love for us. 

Can you say...I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, inspite of your circumstances?  I finally can and I hope and pray the same for you sweet friend.

Father, As we come before you, I pray that we would stand firmly on your promise to bring beauty from our ashes. I thank you for your gift of unwavering joy that only you can provide. I pray that our circumstances would not take our eyes off of you. Teach us to lean in to you as you grow our faith. Help us to remember to reach out to others who are hurting and struggling to find joy in spite of their circumstances. May we be the hands and feet to those who don’t have the strength right now Lord.

In Jesus Holy Holy Name…Amen

With Much Love,

Chrissy