Hanging Precariously

I understand your pain sister. Have you lost a child? Have you lost a brother or sister? Have you lost a loved one? Life changes. It will never be the same.

But GOD....

Since the day I buried my son, even after almost three years, I feel as if I am hanging precariously over the grave. I claw and scrape, my fingers raw from clawing at the ground. My nails ripped to the quick. Dried blood stains my fingers. The dirt rains down on my upturned face. I strain to see the clouds and sky through my mud-soaked tears. I'm not sure if I have the will to hang on most days. The earth clogs my nose and my throat is parched.

I look down into the gaping hole of blackness wondering if it would be easier. My emotions always in a state of conflict. I yearn for relief from the pain in my heart that resides next to great hope and joy. Joy and hope that does not feel joyful or hopeful. Joy and hope only present because I trust in a God who saves. My God, who is a good, good God, even when it doesn't feel good.

THEN GOD...as only He can do, shows me a glimpse of the birds soaring overhead. He sends the sweet smell of jasmine in bloom. He sends the rain to my parched, dry mouth. He wipes my sweating, creased brow with the breeze. He magnifies the sound of my grandchildren laughing and brings hugs from my boys, encouragement from my daughters-in-love, a hand from a friend. The steadiness from a man who loves me above himself.

He strengthens my grip and I pull myself closer to the Son. I yearn for the day I can rejoice at His feet for eternity with those I have not lost for eternity but for a short time as He prepares a place for me.

Until then, sweet friend, our work on earth is not done, but know that you are not alone. He sees you. He loves you. He has a plan for your life, for my life. We do not walk this road alone.

For He is God and I am not.

#embracingthemess #iunderstandyourhurt #HeisGodIamnot #grief #wheregriefresideswithhope #howdoyoucopewithoutJesus