Even If...No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Have you ever felt like the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” is the anthem of your story? My deceased husband used to say this all of the time, but I thought he was just being a naysayer until…. You give financially, you give emotionally, you give unselfishly expecting nothing in return. Well, not really. You give with the expectation that that person(s) will love and honor and cherish you as much as you do them. You give with the mind set that everyone loves the way you do. You love with abandon because you know that that is how God calls us to love only to find out that/those person(s) never really wanted your help or love to begin with. Have you ever given and given and given, knowing in your heart it was the right thing to do, as they took and took and took, only to realize it was never enough? It would never be enough? To hear the words “I never asked for or wanted your help” yet they never rejected your giving or help until they thought they could gain more elsewhere?
I am a giver. A nurturer. I am a servant. I’m that girl…
I’m that girl that doesn’t see blood as family but sees heart connections as family. I love the homeless; I love the women in prison; I love the international students; I love the young men and women God has brought into my life; I love the teenage girl looking for affirmation in short shorts; and I love my family fiercely. I love, love, love, well….except mean girls. I believe everyone has value and can bring something good to the table in spite of their past. I love those considered “the least of these” by the world. For when I love them, I bring honor and glory to a God who first loved me. These characteristics leave me vulnerable to abuse and misuse, but they are my God given characteristics and I am learning to once again be thankful for them.
Have you ever felt so passionate about life and people, but had your heart broken so badly by the people you loved you lost all passion? Thank goodness Jesus did not feel that way when he was betrayed by Peter. He continued to love. He loved so big and so much, He willingly died on the cross. Have you forgotten that the affirmation of people is not what matters? Have you forgotten that the only affirmation that counts is Gods? Have you forgotten that God calls us to love for His glory and honor because He first loved us? He did not say love is safe. He simply said, “Love one another as I have loved you”. John 13:34
About 2 ½ years ago, I found myself caught up in a vortex of false accusations, deception and manipulation for personal gain. At a time when unity should have prevailed, it caused canyon like division within an already hurting and broken family. Those that had the influence to create unity, instead chose to create division. Satan was working diligently to kill, steal and destroy. All I wanted was to crawl into the grave with my son. The deception and manipulation caused me to feel so very alone. I was told it was not personal. I guess that was the justification, but to this heart that loves so very big, it was and is personal. If you have to lie, manipulate or deceive to accomplish your objective, then there is no justification. I was so confused. The betrayal and hurt came from people I truly love. Some I have loved for years. I would have given my last dime for them. I have given my last dime for them. I started questioning everything. Should I stop giving? Am I so naïve I didn’t see it coming? Is there something about me that says I am easy to take advantage of? Did I fail to love enough? Did I love too much? Did I hurt someone unintentionally that they really did not care if they hurt me? The truth is, I cared too much about what others thought rather than focusing on what God thought and what I knew to be true about my own heart and motivations.
I tried desperately to suppress my passion and capacity to love for fear of being hurt again. A love that only comes from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. That love is planted deep in my soul. I was miserable. I am that girl that never met a stranger and never thought twice about giving of my time or resources for the edification of another. Remember…God created me and cultivated in me a heart that loves to give, serve, help. Yet, I was desperately trying not to be that girl. My greatest desire for many, many years has been that my love and giving would reflect Christ who has given me life for eternity. Never perfect, but perfectly loved. Yet, in the shroud of hurt and fear I lost sight of that girl. Though it all, God kept reminding me that he knows my heart. That He loves me. That He goes before me.
I used to love going to the homeless ministry, working with Make-A-Wish, going to the women’s prison, working with teens and addiction. I loved sitting on the bench at the Salvation Army around 4 pm in the afternoons just to visit with the homeless that showed up for a hot meal and a warm bed. Their stories matter. They matter. All the warnings from dear friends and family about safety, all the stories of violence in the area could not keep me away, but the hurt I endured because of others that I loved deeply, paralyzed me and created great fear.
Giving/Loving Paralysis
I was fearful to love fully. Even withholding my affection from my husband. I was fearful of giving. I was fearful of being taken advantage of. I could give financially to your ministry, but probably not without first consulting my attorney. Heck, I was fearful to have 200 strangers on my property for my son’s wedding. Not because I had been abused or misused by any of the ministries or people in those ministries I mentioned, but because those I cherished intimately as family hurt me. I remember telling my husband I did not want to loan out my car to a woman that desperately needed transportation, because, Lord forbid, if something happened… The first time I was asked to host our college student for their leadership training at our property, it took everything I had to say “yes”. I think I stayed up all night praying over those kids. I’m sure my primary cry to God was that no one would get hurt. I’m sad to say those particular prayers were not for the sake of the Kingdom but for my selfish personal protection. I was walking in fear instead of faith. Those were just two of many examples of my “giving/loving” paralysis. All the while my heart was screaming at the girl in the mirror “Who are you? This can’t be me! I love big! I love with abandon! Fear is a liar!”.
Plans to prosper, not to harm.
In addition to all of this, I was grieving my first-born child and trying to figure out simply how to put one foot in front of another. God just kept reminding me that He has gone before me and will always fight my battles. That He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me. That I had nothing to fear. That the only things that truly matter are loving others as Christ first loved us. Giving selflessly for the benefit of God’s kingdom. It was and always will be His Kingdom come, His will be done. I needed to just be still.
The darkness that comes our way is not our darkness.
One of the downfalls from having a servant’s heart is losing sight of the fact that the darkness that comes our way is not our darkness. We take it very personal. Friends, as Christians we do not think as the world thinks. We are not to behave as the world behaves. I would dare say, we should be confused by the actions of those in the world. Trust me, I know the hurt of betrayal of those we love, I know the hurt of loss, I know how desperately you want reconciliation. Regardless of betrayal and loss, we must stand firm in how we love. Not for the sake of man, but for the sake of the Kingdom of God even if…no good deed goes unpunished. For the few that hurt us, because they do not know Christ, or the love of Christ, or, because they have lost their way and allowed the world to be their God; there are many who benefit and learn to love as Christ because of our love for them. Be a light. Do not let others steal your joy or your passion for giving and love because you are afraid of being hurt again. We live in a fallen world, with fallen people. We ALL (including me) fall short, but as Christians, we are set aside, sanctified and justified, by the blood of Jesus Christ. We are called to love. We are made to love. The affirmation and acceptance your heart desires will only be fulfilled by the love of Christ.
Love with abandon. God knows your heart. He knows your motive. Your reward is in heaven, not on earth. Your worth is in Him.
You cannot suppress the love of Jesus in your heart. You cannot suppress the gifts He has given you. You may run for a while, but you cannot out run the woman or man God created you to be nor can you run from the will of God. You are created in His image and are fearfully and wonderfully made. Be encouraged. There is a God who loves you and appreciates you and cherishes you beyond measure. Remember that your value is not in the opinion of others. Your value is in the God who made heaven and earth. A God who loves you more than your finite mind can fathom. Release those friends and sometimes family to God, for he is much more capable of bringing restoration, if that is His will for your life. Remember when those false accusations or hurtful word are thrown your way, they are not of the light if they do not bring edification. They are a lie the devil is trying to use so that you lose sight of who you are and whose you are in Christ. Your worth is not in the opinion of others. Maybe, just maybe, God has removed those people from your life, so He can make room for those people who will love and encourage you with the love of Christ. People who can help you grow in your capacity to love. Let go of the mean girls. We are called to love. Our reward is in heaven not on earth. Earthly things, including those that hurt us will pass away, but the love of God will last forever.
Hide your heart so deeply in God that others will have to seek Him to see it and to understand the unconditional love you walk in.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are had pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair (at least not any more); persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9
Since we have that same spirit of faith, we believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 13-18