Thinking Eternity
Shortly after Christopher’s passing, my husband and I were blessed to take a trip to Alaska. The scenery was breathtaking, and it was a much-needed time to reconnect with my “hubs” (a term of endearment I use for my soulmate and partner in crime, Blake). I had visited Alaska years ago, but this time, I was excited to share its beauty with him.
Yet, everywhere I turned, all I could think was, “Christopher would love this. I wish he were here to experience it with me.” About halfway through our trip, Blake and I stood on top of a glacier, surrounded by God’s awe-inspiring creation. The contrast of rugged rock formations, crystal-clear ice rivers, and lush greenery was breathtaking. The ice radiated brilliant jewel-tone blues—it felt like breathing in heaven itself.
As I stepped away from the group to thank God for His majesty and this opportunity, the thought returned: “Christopher would love this. I wish he were here.” Tears streamed down my face, and in that moment, I felt God whisper, “Chrissy, don’t you think Chris feels the same way? Don’t you think he’s saying, ‘Momma, I wish you could see this! I wish you were here to experience heaven with me!’”
I could almost see Christopher’s goofy grin and hear him laughing, “Really, Mom? You want me to swap my view here in heaven to hang out with you on what looks like an ice cube from up here?”
Then I remembered the vivid descriptions of heaven in Revelation 4:
"At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. The one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne... From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings, and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal... Day and night, [the creatures around the throne] never stop saying:
‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.’”
As I reflected on this, I couldn’t help but laugh through my tears, thinking, “There’s no way Chris would trade his view of God’s Kingdom for mine—jasper, ruby, emerald, gold, thunder, lightning, and the sound of endless praise echoing through the universe.”
In that moment, peace that surpasses understanding washed over me. The longing for Christopher to experience earthly joys with me faded as God reminded me of a profound truth: Chris is as close to the Father as he can possibly be until Christ’s return. He is free from the weight of sin, alive in Christ for eternity, and worshiping at the feet of Jesus in perfect freedom.
What more could a mother want for her child than for them to be healthy, happy, and whole? From the moment they are born, we strive to protect them from the evils of this world, knowing deep down that only God can truly protect them. We selfishly want to witness all the good this life has to offer our children, while praying fiercely that God shields them from the bad. But all of this—good and bad—is temporary.
Who am I that God would love Christopher and me so much as to receive him into heaven at the “early” age of 25? I am humbled that He chose to spare my son from the brokenness of this world. Yes, my heart aches for his son, for myself, and for everyone feeling the weight of his loss. But I have complete confidence and peace knowing my firstborn is truly healthy, happy, and whole in the presence of Jesus.
Father, I lift up all parents grieving the loss of a child. May the truth of Your Kingdom and the promise of eternity bring them peace that surpasses understanding and turn their mourning into joy. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
© Chrissy Cogdell
www.embracingthemess.com