Thinking Eternity
Shortly after Christopher’s death, my husband and I were blessed to take a trip to Alaska. The scenery was breathtaking! It was a much needed reconnect time with the hubs. (Hubs is a name I fondly use to refer to my husband, my partner in crime and my soulmate, Blake). I had taken the trip years back but was excited to share the experience and beauty with him. The reality was that everywhere I turned all I could think of was “Christopher would love this. I wish he were still here to experience it with me.” About half way through our trip, Blake and I were standing in awe of God on top of a glacier. It was like breathing in heaven. The contrast between the ice and rock formations and lush greenery was drastic. The ice rivers were crystal clear and the ice radiated beautiful jewel tone blues. I stepped away from the group and took a moment to thank God for his majesty and the opportunity to witness it and again I thought “Christopher would love this. I wish he were here to experience it with me.” Tears streamed down my face and in that moment, God whispered, “Chrissy, don’t you think that Chris is thinking the same thing? Don’t you think he is saying “Momma, I wish you could see this! I wish you were here to experience heaven with me!” I could see that goofy grin and hear him laugh and say “Really mom? You want me to swap my view and experience here in heaven to come hang out with you on that thing that looks like an ice cube from here?” Then I remembered the scriptures that so vividly describe heaven.
Revelations chapter four says: After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits of God. Also in front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal. In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:
“‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.”
Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
“You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being.”
I couldn’t help but laugh to myself thinking “there is no way Chris would trade his perspective of the Kingdom of God for mine.” Jasper, ruby, emerald, gold. Thunder and lightening and seas of glass. The sound of praise echoing through the universe. Peace that passes understand washed over me. The yearning for Chris to experience this earthly life with me dissipated. God reminded me that Chris could not get any closer to the father than he currently is until the return of Christ. He is now able to experience his relationship with Christ without the weight of sin for eternity.
There is nothing more a mother could want for her child than for that child to be healthy, happy and whole. We strive from their birth to protect them from the evil of this world even through we know deep down we can not protect them. Only God can. We selfishly want to witness all the good this life has for our children, yet we pray fiercely that God would protect them from all of the bad. All of which is temporary. Who am I that God loves Christopher and me so much that he would receive him into heaven at the “early” age of 25 years old. I am so humbled that He chose my first born son to spare from the ugliness of this world and our own sin nature. Yes, my heart is broken for his son, myself and all the others that are experiencing the pain of his loss. Chris was alive in Christ in the flesh having been saved by grace, but now, not only is he alive in Christ, his earthly body is dead to sin. He is able to worship at the feet of Jesus without the restless pull of sin in his life. What freedom for him! This momma’s heart is jealous but also has 100% confidence and security that her first born child is healthy, happy and whole.
Father, I lift up all those parents that are hurting from the loss of a child. May the truths of your kingdom and the promise of eternity bring them peace that passes understanding and turn their mourning into joy. In Jesus Name!