It Should Have Been A Mimi

One of the greatest joys in our life are being Mimi and B to our grandchildren. As the Bible says they are a crown to us, their grandparents. Kings and Queens wear the most beautiful, expensive crowns of gold and jewels, but our grandchildren are more precious than rubies and all the gold in the world.

Yet, there I was, a stranger standing where there should have been a Mimi.

A stranger who’s heart broke for her husband, herself and a little boy who looked into her face and instead of seeing a Mimi that loves him so very big, he saw a stranger.  He doesn’t know (yet) that he too is more precious that rubies and gold to us.

A little boy we had bonded with and fallen in love with, long before he could remember us, had been ripped from our lives.  He simply disappeared. No more Easter’s together, no more lazy days on the porch swing.  No more answered or unanswered requests to see him in spite of the hurdles thrown out along the way.

I watch my husband love our grandchildren so very well.  They adore him and he adores them.  From dance classes to baseball, to drawing chalk outlines on the concrete, to afternoon naps on the couch, sword fights and “push me higher B”, he is present in it all.

It brings me great joy to watch them together, but there is always an underlying river of ache. By the time he learns the truth, will it be too late?  Will he miss out on all the love and wisdom their B has to offer him?

I often wonder how the twisting of his story will effect his ability trust others.  Will he fully be able to trust God . What will his view of Christianity and Christians look like?

I pray for the day he shows up on our doorstep in search of himself.  In search of where he came from, as he tries to figure out who he is.  The opportunity to hug him and let him know that our love for him has never lessened.  That we loved him then and we love him now.  

I do not think this situation is unique to our story or his.  In fact we are fully aware of other little people in the same type of situation.

By the grace of God and parents and grandparents that loved me above themselves, I fell out on the other side of the fence in my own life.  

My mom and step-dad knew how important it was for me to stay connected to my biological father’s side of the family.  They were honest with me from the beginning.  Because they were, my sisters and I had our lives enriched by even more grandparents who loved us.  

My daughter in love, regardless of the challenges we both experienced after the loss of my son, has never kept us from our grandson.  She could have.  She could have used him as a pawn when our relationship did not look like butterflies and roses, but to her credit she didn’t.  She knew my grandson and I needed each other and still do.  

Friends, if you are in a position of caring for children that are not your own, I commend you for your sacrifice and willingness to provide a better life for littles who do not have their own voice.

I also caution you…

You can not erase their story forever. You can not pretend their mother, father or grandparents, etc., no longer exist or that they never loved them or wanted anything to do with them in the first place.

They are already going to experience hardships simply from the events that led them to you in the first place. 

You may think they were too little to remember but there will come a day when the light will bring truth.  When it comes, will you have paved a way that will help them heal or will you have caused so much damage that healing will be a great challenge that will affect every one of their future relationships?  Are you breaking down the generational curses in your family or upholding them and creating more?

We are all broken and are going to make mistakes with our kids, I did with my kids too.  It is not necessary to willfully try to change their stories using manipulation and lies on top of everything else.  

They will not always be dependent on you.  They will eventually grow up, mature and seek answers.  I know I did and I still struggled through some hard things trying to figure out who I was, and I had the benefit of unity in my family.  I can not imagine what my search would have looked like if I had not.

I know God brings beauty from ashes.  My own story is living proof. I am standing on His promise that there will be beauty from these ashes.

I am standing on the promise that God will bring beauty from your ashes too.

Much love,

Chrissy