Breaking The Stronghold
About a month ago I was in a conversation with my cousin and we were talking about identifying strongholds that the devil has had on our life so that we can release them to God. I have to say I have wrestled with the answer I am about to give you, but God spoke very clearly to me when he told me that my children were Satan’s stronghold. I have allowed Satan to use my children and my undying love for them to keep me in bondage and to keep me from putting my trust completely on the solid rock of Jesus. That became even more evident when Christopher died. If I am being blatantly honest, I am ashamed to say that I would lay down my life in a heartbeat for my children, but I have not always been able to say, I would lay down my life for Christ and His Kingdom, nor would I have chosen Christ over my children. I began to really assess what God was saying to me. In Matthew 10:37, the bible says, “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” This verse struck my heart. My sin piercing deep. Great remorse spilled forth. The sorrow of my sin that once again proved me unworthy of the grace Jesus so freely pours out on me. I knew I loved Jesus, I knew I was saved by grace, but I wanted to learn to love Jesus more than anything, even my own flesh and blood. My children.
I had my first son when I was 18 years old. By the young age of 23, I was a mom of three. Those boys have been my life line. They were not just a gift from God, they were mine alone. When everything else was falling apart around me, they were always there. My steady, my rock. I could not see a purpose for my life outside of being their mom. My boys were more important than my own life and certainly more important in my life than even my spouse. They became my idol. The thing my heart was set upon above the things of God and my obedience to God’s word. My priorities were completely skewed, and I was in blatant disobedience of God’s word. I am not saying I would not have had struggles with my children or in my marriages if I had my priorities in line, but I am saying that my disobedience in that area of my life caused extra unnecessary heartache for my children and me.
I was raised in a home where there was no doubt I was loved, but it was also an environment of deception and manipulation. The lack of a Godly example in a father figure and husband left me extremely confused. Frankly, I did not trust any man to care for me or my children the way I could. That included God. I honored my children above my spouse. I honored my children above my God. Please don’t miss understand me. I am in no way throwing stones or shame and blame. My life has not always displayed a Godly example of a mother or wife and even today I fall short. I simply share that fact with you, so you understand how Satan used it and my own disobedience to keep me in bondage.
It wasn’t until my boys were in their pre-teen years, when God brought a man into my life that loved me the way Christ loves the church, that I begin to truly understand and respect the husband and wife relationship. He patiently loved me into “wifehood”. He also showed me, by example with my boys, what fatherhood should look like. Not perfect by any means, but perfectly ours and most definitely used by God for my spiritual growth. I began to understand that my marriage was more important than my children and that I could trust a man to keep his word and take care of the boys and me. I am also certain God put me in a position of being his full-time caregiver when he became ill to teach me how to honor my spouse and my marriage over my children. Even though it was hard, I loved taking care of him.
Through that marriage, God also brought strong Christian women in to my life that loved me fiercely and unconditionally. That is saying a lot, especially considering there was a large age difference between Ron and me. They could have chosen to treat me nasty and as an outcast, but instead they embraced me and made me their own. They have no idea how much that impacted my life. I watched their every move. Their example of Godly marriages had a huge impact on my growth. Five, in particular, that I admire the most (and I hope they won’t mind if I mention) are the Bright’s, Nassar’s, Abercia’s, Mousa’s, and Kamel’s. Those five women, the Abercia women and Mrs. Harris and the Harris women have taught me so much. I will never be able to fully express my love and gratitude for their unconditional friendships. Even then, those relationships did not change my idol of my children, but they did encourage me to be a better wife and taught me the importance of putting your husband above your children and also how important women relationships are in our life.
In his early adulthood, my 1st born son took his first drink and soon after I began to realize he was an alcoholic. A disease that was passed down through generations. He was a binge drinker. He may not drink but once every six months, but when he did, he couldn’t stop at just one. If there was one, there were ten. His addiction impacted my life, his brothers and the lives of strangers. The rest of his family and friends lived in a state of denial which gave Satan a stronger stance to try to convince me that Chris was just going through a phase, but the Holy Spirit, over a period of time, kept bringing things to light. Satan used his addiction to keep our family in a state of confusion. God is not a God of confusion. I knew this to be true, and Chris’s addiction was definitely causing confusion, but I had a terrible time applying that to one of the idols of my heart. My child. My god, my purpose, my pride, Satan’s stronghold. My middle child became the lost child and my youngest finally rebelled and smoked his first joint the day I buried my husband. None of us knew how to cope. My emotions, reactions, successes and failures had always been dictated by the actions, reactions, success and failures of my children. It is where I placed my worth. My purpose. Chris’s addiction magnified that a billion times over.
Chris had been in a wreck that injured a young lady. My heart was broken for him and for her and her family. Part of the fallout from that was that I too was ostracized and took the shame and blame for my son’s actions. His dad was hands-off, so even he did not have to experience the pain Chris’ addiction was causing the boys and me. Just to name a few of those moments, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers refused to allow me to be a member because of Chris’s bad choices and destruction, here I am crying “I am a Mother AGAINST Drunk Driving!”. The victim liaison moved my husband (who was then in a wheelchair and on oxygen) all around the courtroom at one of Chris’s hearings just to prove her point. Satan used it to tell me I was not a good mother. That I should have done more. That I failed Chris. That I was failing my other boys. That Chris’s disease was somehow my fault. That God’s promises were not true. That God didn’t care about my hurt and suffering. That the whole world thought I was an awful parent, “see even MADD will no longer accept your membership dues”. His father told Chris and I both that “I was just over reacting”. My emotions were on the ride of their life. Super highs and super lows. Satan constantly whispering in my ear. You are not enough. You are a failure.
Christopher, in true addict fashion, became the master of deceit and manipulation in order to hide his drinking from me. Those periods of time when he was sober were an oasis. I had no greater joy than to hear that my child was walking in the truth once again. (3 John 1:4) I would see him working his program, working on his relationship with God, working on himself, setting goals, hanging out with positive peers and then, Satan would begin whispering in his ear that he was not enough, he was disappointing everyone in his life, he would never be good enough. The phone would ring, and my reality and heart would shatter all over again. I would climb back on that rollercoaster trying to love him but not enable him. Satan would climb into the seat next to me and try to remind me of all of my failures. Ironically, I was crying out to the God I didn’t fully trust to care for my children the way I did to save Chris from himself.
It wasn’t until I found a support group of other parents that were dealing with the same thing that Satan’s stronghold began to breakdown in my life. The Holy Spirit used them to encourage me and support me. I am sad to say, it wasn’t my church or my Christian friends or even Chris’s friends that stood by me through Chris’s addiction, with the exception of those friends that were battling addiction themselves. It made them uncomfortable when I tried to talk with them. They couldn’t relate. His friends and other family did not want to admit that he had a problem. To admit that our children suffer from addiction takes an examination of oneself. It can be ugly, but it is necessary if we want to support our children through recovery. I’m sure many were just praying it wouldn’t happen to their children. Possibly some were thinking “I am a much better parent than she is, I am sure it won’t happen to my children.” “Have you seen all the bad choices she has made? Of course her kid is an addict!”. Lies, lies, lies, all of the devil, to cause division. I felt isolated. Lonely. There were hundreds of sleepless nights wondering, worrying, riddled with anxiety. The roller coaster of hope when the disease was held at bay and Satan was roaming the earth looking for others to destroy until he returned seven-fold. Matthew 12:43-45 says “Now when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it. “Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came’; and when it comes, it finds it unoccupied, swept, and put in order. “Then it goes and takes along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first. That is the way it will also be with this evil generation.” This was very much what my son’s addiction looked like. It is the pattern of addiction for most.
Still, I refused to fully turn my children and their well-being over to the God who created them. He was a man, He was a father and I didn’t trust either! My track record with men stunk. Since Chris’s death, I have begun to understand that God is completely in control. “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:39-40). He loves our children. He created them for his pleasure and purpose. “For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14) He can be trusted. “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20), and He alone should be the idol of our heart. “You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:3). New mommies take heed as you struggle to balance motherhood and being a wife. It is so very easy to overlook our relationship with God and/or our spouse and allow our children to become the idols of our heart.
In the aftermath of Chris’s death, Satan once again tried to use my children as a stronghold and attempted to even use my grandchildren as a stronghold. He used Chris’s addiction and his personal choices to try to convince me that I am terrible mother even though God tells me I am not. My children are at the age of accountability and responsible for their own choices and walk with Christ. The difference this time was that God had become the idol of my heart. The anxiety and stress of not only his death but the aftermath threw my physical body into rejection of itself and I am now battling an autoimmune disease, but I will not be shaken. God still remains faithful and so will I. I will choose to stand on God’s promises rather than jump on that rollercoaster that Satan loves to ride next to me on whispering lies in my ear. I have watched Satan use his minions, wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing, (https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/5-ways-to-recognize-a-wolf-in-sheep-s-clothing.html) to manipulate and deceive people I have loved for years and thought the world of, all for the sake of pride and greed. The hurt and betrayal cuts deep, but instead of allowing the devil to steal my joy, this season of trials has strengthened my faith. “What you intended for harm, God has used for my good.” (Genesis 50:20) God’s truths tell me that my God goes before me to fight my battles. “For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” (Deut. 20:4) “He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.” (Psalm 144:2)
Most importantly, I have learned to turn my children over to God and release my anxiety about their wellbeing and choices to Him. This takes constant, intentional practice. They are no longer Satan’s stronghold in my life. They are children of the King. Set aside and sanctified for His kingdom. Their heritage is of the Lord. They are His, not mine and He is their father and my father. Trust worthy, loving, kind, all powerful, fair and just. He is a good, good father. He commands me to be anxious for nothing as I bring my praise, my hurt and my requests before him.“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6). He keeps his word. He loves me, and I can truly finally say, that He alone is the idol of my heart and Satan no longer can use my children as a stronghold in my life. Jesus is my stronghold. On the solid rock I stand. “Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.”(Isaiah 44:8). “my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold (not my children), my refuge and my savior-- from violent people you save me.” (2 Samuel 22:3)
“And you, son of man, on the day I take away their stronghold, their joy and glory, the delight of their eyes, their heart’s desire, and their sons and daughters as well—on that day a fugitive will come to tell you the news.At that time your mouth will be opened; you will speak with him and will no longer be silent. So you will be a sign to them, and they will know that I am the LORD.” (Ezekiel 24:25-27)
Thank you, Father God, for removing the strongholds in my life and setting my heart’s desire on you alone. Forgive me for putting other god’s before you. May I no longer be silent, may I speak your truth and share my story so that others may know you personally as their rock and their fortress. The sole idol of my heart. The sole idol of their heart. May they know that you alone are God!
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”…He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you…For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways…“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…” (Psalm 91:1-16)
Do you have strongholds in your life that the devil uses to hold you in bondage? I would love to hear your story, share your journey with you and pray for you.