Wrestling With Forgiveness

Forgiveness is hard.  It is especially hard when it calls for us to forgive people that left deep wounds on our heart.  Wounds that may still be so very raw.

These past four years have challenged me to dig deeper into the practice of forgiving. What I noticed was that as I was walking through the layers of hurt and forgiveness, I began to try to find logical reasons of justification for the actions of the people who hurt me.  My heart and my head just could not take the intense pain of the reality that people I loved immensely would destroy our relationship and in the process shatter my heart for personal gain and self centered motivation.

I wrestled with God over releasing these relationships. I wrestled with my heart and tried to find any and all justification for their behavior. 

What God has taught me through this season is that I do not have to find reasons of justification for the actions of people that hurt me. I am not always called to reconcile those relationships but I am called to forgive.

In hindsight, I can see where God was removing these people for my protection.  Protection from the things that live in the dark recesses of their hearts.  God began to show me over and over again patterns of behavior in these people that should have been a glaring beacon of warning for what was to come.  What He knew about me was that I would continue to throw down the door stopper every time he tried to remove them if their hearts were not revealed in a way that I couldn’t justify their behavior anymore.

Forgiveness does not excuse the behavior of those that have wounded us.  Forgiveness releases control back to God allowing him to bring about justice. It also releases untold blessings on our own life when we choose to forgive and allows God to fill the space of hurt with immeasurably more than we could ever ask for.

Friends, I am not minimizing the hurt you may be walking through. I am not justifying or excusing the behaviors of the person that hurt you.  I just want to remind you that God calls us to forgive just as He has forgiven us.  His ways are higher. Revenge is His alone.  Releasing those that hurt us through forgiveness releases them to God so that He can make things right.

Releasing those that hurt us through forgiveness opens the doors for Gods blessings on our life and makes us whole again. We regain control of who we are and whose we are.  Forgiveness means those that came to kill, steal and destroy no longer have the power to do so in your life.

Much Love,

Chrissy

Forgiveness

My life is a muddy mess.  Some of my own making and some of it just because life is a muddy mess.  The devil took a minute to remind me of this as I was composing my testimony to speak at a revival tomorrow evening, but God reminds me He has pursued me relentlessly through it all.  He has used every heartache, trial, and season of disobedience in my life to bring glory to His Kingdom and for my spiritual growth.  I have made choices I am ashamed of and choices I am proud of.  I have run from God, rebelled against God, and tested God. I lived under my cloak of sin for years instead of in the freedom of His forgiveness, grace, and mercy.  I did not fully understand forgiveness.  I could not forgive myself, and the reality is that forgiving myself is still very much a process for me.  I was sharing this with a friend one day, and she said: “well, would the fact that you can forgive others quickly, but can’t forgive yourself imply that you consider yourself God?”.  Blunt force reality.  Thank you Lord for giving me girlfriends that speak truth over my life.  I guess I was kind of putting myself in a position of God.  I was saying everyone except me is worthy of forgiveness, but I have screwed it up so severely, surely, God wrote different truths for me.  I can excuse and understand that THEY all fall short of the glory of God, but am I to be perfect?  Like Jesus?  The only living human that has ever walked the earth blameless and without sin.  Well, I must think pretty highly of myself.  No one had to throw stones my way, I was more than willing to allow Satan to stone me with his lies.

Do you have hard time forgiving yourself?  I do!  Do you consider yourself God, able to dish out forgiveness to those you see fit but think there are different standards for you?  I guess I certainly did! Does that mean we consider ourselves above others that we would not be subject to temptation or the sin that was passed down through generations?  Are we blameless?   Remember the Bible says “ALL fall short." Not “ALL fall short except you.” Not “ALL fall short except me.”.   No sin is too great for Christ to forgive when we humble ourselves before Him in complete surrender and repentance.  Until death, no one is beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness.

Check out Manasseh, King of Judah.  2 Chronicles 33 goes like this “Manasseh was twelve years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-five years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord, following the detestable practices of the nations the Lord had driven out before the Israelites. He rebuilt the high places his father Hezekiah had demolished; he also erected altars to the Baals and made Asherah poles. He bowed down to all the starry hosts and worshiped them. He built altars in the temple of the Lord, of which the Lord had said, “My Name will remain in Jerusalem forever.” In both courts of the temple of the Lord, he built altars to all the starry hosts. He sacrificed his children in the fire in the Valley of Ben Hinnom, practiced divination and witchcraft, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists. He did much evil in the eyes of the Lord, arousing his anger. He took the image he had made and put it in God’s temple, of which God had said to David and to his son Solomon, “In this temple and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put my Name forever. I will not again make the feet of the Israelites leave the land I assigned to your ancestors, if only they will be careful to do everything I commanded them concerning all the laws, decrees and regulations given through Moses.” But Manasseh led Judah and the people of Jerusalem astray, so that they did more evil than the nations the Lord had destroyed before the Israelites. The Lord spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention. So the Lord brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon. 

AND then….guess what!  Sounds like Manasseh was saved by God’s grace and mercy!

Verse 12 and 13 say “In his distress he sought the favor of the Lord his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his ancestors. And when he prayed to him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.”

What!  That sorry, no good curmudgeon.  He was an evil dude!  He sacrificed his children, he worshiped idols, he destroyed the temple, he practiced witchcraft for Pete’s sake!!!  It clearly says he ticked God off.  He sounds like the devil himself, and you are telling me God forgave him?  Yep, that is what I am telling you.  Not only did God forgive him but he also used him for his glory and to bring others to the Lord.

Verse 14-17 says “Afterward he rebuilt the outer wall of the City of David, west of the Gihon spring in the valley, as far as the entrance of the Fish Gate and encircling the hill of Ophel; he also made it much higher. He stationed military commanders in all the fortified cities in Judah. He got rid of the foreign gods and removed the image from the temple of the Lord, as well as all the altars he had built on the temple hill and in Jerusalem; and he threw them out of the city. Then he restored the altar of the Lord and sacrificed fellowship offerings and thank offerings on it, and told Judah to serve the Lord, the God of Israel. The people, however, continued to sacrifice at the high places, but only to the Lord their God.”

The irony to me is that the Lord tried to get Manasseh’s attention all along, but it wasn’t until God allowed some real hardship in his life that he finally looked toward Heaven for his help.  Here I sit raising my hand “That’s me, God!  That’s me!” And then God whispers, “as far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgressions from you.”  That voice I often don’t pay attention to because I am buying the lies of the devil that tell me I am not good enough, that I have screwed it up too badly, that surely no one would take God seriously coming from the mouth of a screw up like me.  Then I am reminded, He sent his ONLY SON to die on the cross for ME! And YOU!  His blood ran for our transgressions.  He desires a relationship with us.  His desire for us is to live in the fullness of his glory and majesty, not under the oppression of the lies from the devil.  This does not mean that sorrow will not come your way or that hardships will never enter your door.  What it means is that through Jesus Christ and his death on the cross we have the ability to shed our death clothes.  We are to put off our old self and walk in the newness of life.  Life everlasting.  Forgiving yourself and others as we have been forgiven.  

Father, I humble myself and ask that you would forgive me my trespasses and those who have trespassed against me.  Help me to continue to learn to forgive myself and to live in the fullness of your glory.  In Jesus' name.